We’re at Falmouth just for a couple of days. Mike is out for a walk. I did go out earlier but decided sitting by the fire in the hotel lounge, getting up to date with the blog, was a better idea, I only got nearly blown over once or twice.
I’ve had an amazing week down on the Lizard. Despite being away, in a place I love I was still having to deal with the anxiety. – everyday, first thing, last thing, pretty much most of the time. And it’s been going on for months, on and off. So many reasons, but mostly thoughts that I have taken on board and allowed to sink in, that have become rules for living. Not always lies, but still not helpful truths. A good friend, who was reading Falling Tide, said that they could hear my voice in Anna, much more strongly than in Watching You Fall, and that I was very hard on her! This week I have pondered that statement. I was very relaxed writing Falling Tide, after all I’d already had a book published, so I guess a lot more of myself had crept into Anna, and if I’m hard on her then I suppose I’m hard on myself. Mmmmmm! (Thoughtful noise.)
I had a lot of conversations with God about this and I’ve come up with some new rules. Most of them are personal but the one I love best, that I think will help with the anxiety the most is that when I wake in the morning I’m going to think/pray, what good things does the day hold today? What has God got planned for my pleasure and my growth? And what can I do to bring pleasure and growth to those around me? No just getting through the day. Pleasure is a difficult word as it sounds spoilt and selfish, but it is the right word because that’s God’s joy and delight for his children. He really doesn’t want bad stuff for us. There will be rocks and obstacles along the way, of course there will be, but that’s a whole other blog! And when I use the term rules, I don’t mean that any of them are black and white, just helpful for living now. After all, we are a work in progress, particularly our lovely Anna Maybury.
